As we continue our slow march to celebrating 25 years of existence at KK BOLD, today we look back fondly at the previous 25 years and the many strange events that have brought us to today’s date.
A large many bizarre occurrences have taken place in the KK BOLD offices over the years; so many, in fact, that a list of 25 was not sufficient to chronicle them all. For instance, I am told of one such story that involved both fire and clowns, which to this date no one has completely filled me in on the details about, despite just how awesome that story sounds. I hope you can move past your disappointment and enjoy the list that I did compile, which is presented in everyone’s favorite manner: statistics! Yay! Numbers!
1. Percentage of the KK BOLD office TP’d by Erik Hagen during the 2009 Christmas party: 87%.
2. Number of times LaRoy Kingsley has asked Marci Goldade if she still remembers Darby, the marketing director for Kirkwood Mall who had left that employment before Marci ever started working at KK BOLD: 856.
3. Number of KK BOLD employees Taxi Ted (Ted Hanson’s nickname based upon his uncanny resemblance to a taxi cab) fit into his car to drive to the Wendy’s drive thru to yell orders for “W” hamburgers from a very confused drive thru teller following the 2011 Christmas party: 7.
4. Number of glasses stolen from Fiesta Villa that same year by Nikki Sims: 20.
5. Highest number of martini glasses broken at Peacock Alley in one night: 87.
6. Times that Ted Hanson brought a large Ziplock bag full of mountain lion scat to the agency Show & Tell: 1.
7. Number of ravines Stephanie Schoenrock almost drove herself and Janene Pudwill into in Olympia, Washington because of icy weather and driving with her headlights turned off: Too numerous to document.
8. Number of Garmin GPS devices destroyed after being thrown to the ground following incorrect address input on a car trip in Olympia, Washington with Stephanie Schoenrock and Erik Hagen: 1.
9. Number of times Stephanie Schoenrock has accused Erik Hagen of breaking the Garmin GPS device falsely: 3.
10. Number of foreign dignitaries met by Kalvin Kingsley, Marci Goldade and Mandy Nagel on their trip to Chicago in 1999 for the Internet World Summit: 0.
11. Number of times Jackie Ressler bruised Kalvin Kingsley in a mosh pit: 2.
12. Number of games of “That Happened” at the 2012 Christmas party where Justin Fisk read his paper saying “At one point during the evening, Stephanie Schoenrock will attempt to maim you.”: 1.
13. Number of times Stephanie Schoenrock tried to maim Justin Fisk with her stiletto heel: 5.
14. Number of times following Kalvin Kingsley’s weight loss that a client quietly asked LaRoy Kingsley, “Has Kalvin been sick or something?”: 1.
15. Number of KK BOLD employees having their foot run over by Stephanie Schoenrock at a gas station in Olympia, Washington: 1.
16. Number of items (tables, Christmas trees, fake Santas, ceiling tiles, pontoons, etc.) broken by KK BOLD employees at agency Christmas parties over the years: Somewhere in the thousands.
17. Number of interns eaten in 2005 when agency bus to North Dakota State Fair broke down along the road: 3.
18. Number of wrestling matches taking place in the Fiesta Villa fountain between two KK BOLD employees reported to have happened by LaRoy Kingsley: 1.
19. Percentage chance of that having ever happened: 0.5%
20. Number of tiny Chihuahua dogs barking at Ted Hanson that he mistook for a pit bull and screamed at on a road trip to Grand Forks with Kalvin Kingsley: 1.
21. Number of imaginary bullets shot at Chihuahua dog by Ted Hanson with his finger gun: 35.
22. Number of buffalo penis walking sticks in Ted Hanson’s office: 1.
23. Number of times Ted Hanson has chased after groups of clients with buffalo penis walking stick: 7.
24. Number of times Courtney Crane has tried to jump onto Clayton Hove’s back, missed, and fell onto the floor in a comical manner: At least 3.
25. Number of old ladies who died silently in their seat seated next to Stephanie Schoenrock and Marci Goldade on an airplane: 1. We hope just the 1.
And that’s pretty much everything that happened in the last 25 years, with almost 12% of that being entirely accurate. What will happen in the next 25 years? Lord only knows. I just hope that whatever it is that occurs, blogs no longer exist in 25 years’ time so that I won’t have to itemize those happenings again, as I will be much older by then and my fingers will probably be a lot more brittle.
Stay tuned for the third installment of the 25 Years of KK BOLD blog series, whenever it is I get around to writing it. Thanks for reading, and we’ll see you in the future.
Erik Hagen is the senior copywriter for KK BOLD. He ate at least one of those interns in 2005 all by himself, he was that hungry.